Getting Fit and Less Obsessed: Confessions of an Overeater

   I like food. I like food a lot. I'm one of those people now, I guess, who you read about. A "yo-yo dieter." I go from exercising hardcore and eating six little healthy meals a day to eating 3 Drumsticks in one sitting, some Hot Cheetos and home-style mac-n'-cheese. I call myself a lot of names. On an average I-ate-my-weight-in-chocolate-and-sad-feelings day, you'll hear me jokingly talk about what a fatty I am. I call my butt/thigh region a "thutt" (you can't tell the difference between thigh and butt). I call myself pancake-ass, jiggly, cottage cheesy, cellulite filled, and just plain gross. I'm pretty damn funny, actually. But, in actuality, I don't really feel very happy about the way I look and I guess it's pretty obvious. I think my issue now is, after moving out from my parents' place- going from not eating very much food and running all the time, to eating three hearty meals a day, sitting around sad and overwhelmed and stressed about the next phase in my life- I gained quite a bit of weight. I don't look like a whale or anything but I keep gaining weight because after the initial weight gain and lack of exercise, I tried to workout hardcore and I seriously hurt my joints. Initially I thought something was wrong with my knees, which maybe there is, but I think more than anything- the additional weight makes my joints pissed off at me. It hurts to exercise. So then I get into this cycle of "Oh my gosh I'm so fatty I can't even go for a 10 minute run without feeling like I'm an old person."
   I'm really trying to work on my consistency and not taking on too much and being kinder to myself- just doing a reasonable amount of dieting and exercise, or rather changing my lifestyle but consistency is tough! I trace my tendency to overeat certain things back to my childhood. My boyfriend always comments on the fact that the only really positive memories I have of my mom are connected to food in one way or another. She nurtured through her cooking and when I'm really sad, I think I equate eating cozy food and specific foods I had as a child to that feeling you get when you know your mom loves you- and I don't have that feeling very often. I don't think it would even be so bad to be an emotional eater....but I just commit food-icide! Moderation is not something I understand... I wonder what the trick to disassociating food from nostalgic memories is.

I think I need a consistency coach, personal trainer, and a nutritionist...and money for those things, haha.