Dating me is like dating a barrel of monkeys....but 9 out of 10 monkeys have rabies. Also the 10th monkey pisses on your rug and laughs at you when you try to correct said behavior. Okay, maybe it's not that bad.
I have this terrible habit of warning any and all people interested in me that they couldn't have picked worse. Once they announce they're interested in me, I sit them down every time and have the same exact talk.
"You don't know me very well. You seem perfectly lovely and I wish you the best but I am a whole lot to deal with and you just don't understand what it takes. You don't have to tools or the patience or the self confidence to survive all o' this. Being with me is like running a marathon, where at the end, instead of being celebrated and feeling fitter, faster, and fabulous…..you get punched in the face…by me. And somehow end up fatter. I don't possess redeemable qualities, I'm selfish and self involved, I'm not very attractive, I'm inconsistent, constantly emotional and in need of attention and love and reassurance, I get very jealous and scared, nearly everything you do will be called wrong at some point, and it's just not even half worth it. The only reason you're attracted to me is because of your own dysfunctions and attraction to being mistreated and feeling inadequate." I know. Best sales pitch ever. Also totally rude, totally pessimistic, and totally inappropriate. But I set it up! You KNOW there's a lot of alarms going off and this is not probably what you're looking for. On my end, I'm not teaching myself anything positive by repeating some pretty negative and self deprecating comments just to scare men away because men being interested in me scares ME. But the whole deal is a mess.
If I were my own friend (separate of myself) I would sit me down and slap me a couple times. Give me some bear hugs. And tell myself to learn to hush up, listen a bit more than I yammer, and try not to self sabotage myself by using insults as a way of insulating myself.
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