How Women Perceive Women

I'm not the warmest or the kindest or the most thoughtful. I'm certainly not the most compassionate or the most aware or even the most patient but I'm becoming much more aware of the bad habits we have as women. Because of my recent breakup, I feel like I've entered a new "era." A more confident era. I now realize that I am in fact an attractive woman and I do actually have desirable qualities. I'm strong, I work hard, I'm charming, I'm beautiful, and I try my best to try my best. It's easier to see those things as a single person. Being confident is great and super handy for attracting boys! It's not so great for making and maintaining female relationships....especially at my age. I'm very conscious of how I portray myself. I try my best not to come across as cocky, full of myself, down on myself, too lighthearted, too Debbie-Downer, too materialistic, too deep, too kind, or too harsh. Sometimes, it gets overwhelming and difficult to just "be." I'm sure a lot of women feel this way! It's hard to be honest with people and be able to say "I feel beautiful most of the time, ugly a lot of the time, proud of myself most days, and ashamed some days. I'm happy a lot and I'm sad a lot and I just feel overwhelmed but I fight each and every day." I find that most people don't know how to take me. People like to label me as "too sensitive" or flighty or "dark" but I don't feel like any of those are accurate assessments.

 I'm realizing that women receive me better when I'm in a more sad and less confident place. Men receive me better when I'm in a more confident, happy place. This is because happiness is attractive, I think, and the more happy and confident I become, the more attracted men are to me. But unfortunately, even though I try my very hardest NOT to make life a competition and come across as threatening or as if I'm trying to one up my female friends, several women perceive me very negatively now that I feel and behave more confidently. Having girlfriends is important and I need and love them. I love to be that friend who takes you in, supports you, makes you cookies when you're sad, and celebrates you when you're happy. I just love to be the best friend that I can be but I think my excessive effort combined with the way that everyone else perceives my very positive-go-getter-attitude I wear most days tends to scare my girlfriends away? Maybe I'm too honest? Too complimentary? Not attentive enough? Maybe I'm TOO attentive? Maybe I actually do act very competitively? I've admitted on more than one occasion to feeling threatened by my fellow lady-friends. I feel like I'd rather hear someone tell me they feel a little threatened and intimidated (which they shouldn't at all!) then have them just start treating me nastily and throwing me under the bus. I've been getting thrown under the bus a lot lately.

I also think it's really interesting how a few minor changes in appearance totally alters the way strangers treat me. When I go out in glasses, flats, and jeans, people either ignore me or treat me pleasantly. When I'm out in a dress, heels, and my new crazy hairstyle people just flip out on me. Guys are more aggressive and complimentary (of course), girls I don't even know and haven't even made eye contact with will say just AWFUL things about me and I understand the whole dynamic- you're all just saying I look nice today and it makes you uncomfortable. But can we all just be nice and be big enough to say to people, even if they're strangers "You look really amazing today!" instead of "Oh god...here comes Miss America -____-"? I have feelings. I get hurt by what you say and how you perceive me and I think YOU look nice today. I just want to be friends.

I think as women, we need to learn to be more direct. If I don't like you, I'll try to tell you in the most straightforward, non-manipulative way I know how and see if we can improve upon our situation. If I think you're beautiful and just have it going on and you make me feel maybe less than beautiful when I'm around you- I'm going to try to remind myself I'm gorgeous and I have it going on too and treat you with respect and admiration. I'm not going to call you nasty names, randomly disappear on you, and make snide remarks about you to your friends while you're in the room. We owe it to each other to support one another. If you can't do that, please step away.