This was a story sent into me. To send your story, email me at stargee@me.com
Fortunately enough, I have always had a very close relationship with my mother. She has always been someone I can tell anything to.
I remember coming home from school one day, and asking my mom what a "virgin" was because some kid on the playground asked me if I was one (and thinking it was some sort of name-calling) I said no. Next thing I knew, the whole class was laughing at me and I had no clue why. So she had the sex talk with me and I was somewhat aware of what it was after the said discussion.
Several weeks later, a family friend was babysitting me and decided to abuse me. Fortunately, that talk I had several weeks earlier, came in handy. I knew SOMETHING was wrong, but didn't exactly know what to do. I hid in the family friend's bedroom and got on the phone when he asked me to take off my clothes. I called my mom and she told me to put him on the phone. I remember walking to him and he talked to my mom. He told her exactly what he was doing and how he felt that there was nothing wrong with watching pornography and masturbating in front of a 10 year old.
He eventually finished up what he was doing...with himself, and took me home. When he took me home, I remember my mom crying and freaking out. She called the police and they actually arrested him later on that day. I remember spending lots of time talking to police officers, school psychologists, etc. It turned out that he had been sexually abused as a child, and had actually molested his own children as well. He spent 6 months in jail and I'm not sure what happened to him after that.
The key to healing for me was being able to talk about it right after it happened. I count myself lucky that I was immediately able to open up about what had happened because I knew it was wrong somehow at that age. I spent lots of time in therapy, I think my mom was scared I was going to have a lot of problems for the rest of my life because of it. Art therapy always helped me through it. I had this awesome therapist for a year who asked me to draw everything, every thought, emotion, dream, etc. It really got everything out.
When I entered high school and I started liking guys, I didn't know how I would deal with sex or relationships in general. My first "boyfriend" asked me out and I freaked out about the thought of even kissing, so I ended things two days later. I realized, then, that it was time to go back to therapy to deal with this situation that I thought I had taken care of in the past.
Eventually I worked through the anxiety of relationships and the thought of any kind of sexual situation. I just knew that I was going to have to wait a long time until I was "ready." So I waited...and waited...and finally met someone I was comfortable with in late high school. He was willing to wait and deal with my anxiety, insecurities, emotions, everything, for 2 1/2 years, until I was ready for anything sexual. It was great, and even though that relationship never worked out past early college, it still meant a lot that someone was willing to wait for me that long. I think once I got through the first relationship, the anxiety of relationship stuff actually didn't scare me anymore and since then I've been pretty much fine. I've always been open about the molestation as well, in all my relationships, and most guys have taken it pretty well. I haven't had any of them running in the other direction (for that reason anyway), so it gave me a lot more confidence.
All in all my key to healing was communication. Lots of communication about the situation, and lots of therapy...and just waiting for time to pass.
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