My boyfriend and I have a bit of an unusual arrangement. We live together, out of the nest, but we used to live together in "the nest" too! I often say my boyfriend is like family to me, and in a lot of ways we have kind of a sibling dynamic (don't get weirded out!) in addition to the relationship dynamic. No matter the dynamic we used to have, living together (on our own) is so different from what our lives used to be when we lived with his family! Here are some of the harsh realities of moving out from your parents' place and moving in together.
1) There is no dish fairy. NO DISH FAIRY! Shockingly, this comes as a surprise to us just about every other day. As I am typing this, I'm thinking about the fact that Ethan and I have no clean drinking glasses OR silverware to speak of. They're all covered in peanut butter, flour, and various unrecognizable leftovers. One of several benefits of living with your parents (or your boyfriend's parents) is, if you have overly loving and giving parents, that they do the dishes. Even yours! I'm talking burnt on food, mashed potatoed bowls, and numerous ice cream and hot fudge bowls. We want dish fairies.
2) Ladies, you WILL become a nagging screechy scary person. Hopefully you won't feel that way all the time- but it's a reality. Why won't you clean without me having to ask you? I asked you five times already- could you please take out the trash. I don't want your dirty socks on the bed, thrown randomly on the floor, or on the dining room table. Please put your dishes away? Remember to lock the door! Feed the cat when I'm away- I don't like dead cats. Why do you have to leave your underwear in the bathroom? Please don't brush your teeth in the shower. I don't want to know when or hear when you clip your toe nails. Don't make the bed that way. Remember to use SOAP when washing dishes, otherwise I have to go in and do them all over again! Turn off the light when you leave the room. Please flush sometimes? These are things I guarantee you will be saying.
3) Things get a lot lonelier. When you move out and on your own, even if it is with your partner, your schedules change and the adjustment can be really rough. Ethan's going to school and I'm not so I'm home long before he is...or even all day and when he gets home, sometimes all he wants to do is play some video games and chill and all I want to do is talk and cuddle and get out of the house. Or pout. Transition is always hard at first, especially when two of you are transitioning at the same time.
4) The money stuff gets more complicated. So- we live together, we're partners, but one of us has more money than the other? Well- your parents are paying for you but I'm paying for myself, and they're helping me with x,y, and z. Do I owe them a certain amount of money because I'm not their child? Do you owe them a certain amount of money because you ARE their child? Should we both work? Who writes the rent check? Who pays for cable? Who pays for furniture- do you pay for it because you're really the only one who cares what kind of curtains and mixer you have? Does that mean he pays for the TV? Well, who gets what if we break up? Oh my god- how am I going to afford moving out if we break up? Maybe I shouldn't pay for anything we share. Is he keeping tabs? Should I?
5) Dating gets harder. My boyfriend and I love each other and we enjoy each other's company but now that we spend so much concentrated time with one another and money is tight, it's harder to "date" and feel like a young couple. We often refer to our lifestyle as "living like 30 year olds" and we love it! But sometimes, I wish we were younger, emotionally. It's not all bad though! We've learned to really love cooking together and getting dressed up just to go to the park or go grab dessert can be really nice and, more than ever, I feel like I have a partner. He's my cozy, awesome, supportive mister.
6) You pawn tasks off on each other a lot more often and being "fair" can get kind of thrown out the window. No body loves taking the garbage out, or going down to the basement to do laundry- especially when you have to lug your shit up and down 4 flights of stairs. I go back and forth between being the dreaded chore-chart girlfriend, and the "I don't want to do that- you do that and I'll do the easier thing," girlfriend. This would be amusing, except your partner isn't your annoying ass roomie you can get away with pushing around....they're your partner you elected to live with and share a bed with, and hopefully, you appreciate. I find it really hard to step back, be less bossy, and get off my own but and share the work 50/50. I also find it hard not to get angry when I'm doing some lame chore and he's getting to lounge and hang out on his computer or do homework. Even if he did just get off from school and he helped out a ton earlier. It's definitely a tough balance.
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