It Really Bugs Me When.....

   It really bugs me when my boyfriend swears too much, or talks too loud, or spits in public, or makes those weird mucous-y sounds, or farts in my direction when he's sleeping. It really bugs me when he laughs along with me when I make fun of myself, or calls my love handles small after I admitted I currently have love handles (you're supposed to lie and say I have the body of a goddess!). It really bugs me when he makes plans with someone else after I've told him, casually, I don't really think I'll be seeing him today (because I'm mad and he doesn't know it). It bugs me when he makes me share my favorite foods I was going to share....if he hadn't asked me for a bite. It bugs me when he takes my side of the bed. It bugs me when he doesn't ask me to sleep over, but sometime is bugs me when he asks me to sleepover too. It bugs me when he messes all the covers up on my super perfect pretty takes-too-long-too-make-bed. It bugs me when he laughs at how flustered about it I get. It bugs me when he eats messy, or leaves trash in my car. It bugs me that he always has some sort of counter argument to my complaints. It bugs me when other girls say hello to him and he's nice back and chooses not to punch them in the face instead.


   Then I realize....I need to calm the fuck down! I realize this a lot. But it's kind of ridiculously hard. Maybe I need medication. Or maybe I just become one of those AWFUL girls when I date and actually like the guy! Or maybe I pick people that I get in this dynamic with? Maybe I create this dynamic. Maybe I like being an agonizing-jerk! Or maybe I just need to calm the fuck down. Sometimes I think to myself, hey boyfriend, you should be upset with me a lot more! Can somebody give this guy a pat on the back? But then that realization makes me totally sad. If I were to make a list, from what I believe should be his perspective, it would go something like this:

   "It really bugs me when my girlfriend is just a totally inexplicable bitch! Or when she nags at me every two seconds for having a good time. Or when she smiles at me and says she loves me for doing THE EXACT SAME THINGS. It really bugs me when I can't predict how she will feel that day, that hour, that moment, and I can predict even less about how she'll react to my attempts at resolving said problems. It really bugs me how indecisive she is. It really bugs me how aggressively jealous she can be, while she's consciously trying to make sure I get jealous about something she's doing. It really bugs me how I can't treat her how she treats me. It really bugs me how down she is all the time. It really bugs me how the more loving I act, the more pissed off at the world she gets. It really bugs me how ungrateful she is. It really bugs me how often she suggests we should break up. It really bugs me how much she seems like she dislikes me, and then how upset she gets when I decide to leave and stop dealing with her stupid shit. It really bugs me how anxious and nervous and irrational she gets. It really bugs me how I do all sorts of things for her and she does nothing for me in exchange. It really bugs me how isolated she makes herself. It really bugs me how she never picks me back up, but I always pick her up when she's in pieces. It really bugs me how inflexible she is. It really bugs me how hard it is to make her happy."

*sigh* Relationship guru's......please appear to me! I'm hopeless at this stuff!

To My Secret Readers

Dear readers,

I know there are a few of you out there who read my blog and really resonate with some of the stuff I've talked about or what some of my reader's have written in about. If you'd like a chance to share your story too, please message me on the Facebook page (linked on the tab to the right) or email me at:

stargee@me.com.

As always, I am comforted by those of you who have taken the time to reach out and share with me.