My boyfriend and I have a bit of an unusual arrangement. We live together, out of the nest, but we used to live together in "the nest" too! I often say my boyfriend is like family to me, and in a lot of ways we have kind of a sibling dynamic (don't get weirded out!) in addition to the relationship dynamic. No matter the dynamic we used to have, living together (on our own) is so different from what our lives used to be when we lived with his family! Here are some of the harsh realities of moving out from your parents' place and moving in together.
1) There is no dish fairy. NO DISH FAIRY! Shockingly, this comes as a surprise to us just about every other day. As I am typing this, I'm thinking about the fact that Ethan and I have no clean drinking glasses OR silverware to speak of. They're all covered in peanut butter, flour, and various unrecognizable leftovers. One of several benefits of living with your parents (or your boyfriend's parents) is, if you have overly loving and giving parents, that they do the dishes. Even yours! I'm talking burnt on food, mashed potatoed bowls, and numerous ice cream and hot fudge bowls. We want dish fairies.
2) Ladies, you WILL become a nagging screechy scary person. Hopefully you won't feel that way all the time- but it's a reality. Why won't you clean without me having to ask you? I asked you five times already- could you please take out the trash. I don't want your dirty socks on the bed, thrown randomly on the floor, or on the dining room table. Please put your dishes away? Remember to lock the door! Feed the cat when I'm away- I don't like dead cats. Why do you have to leave your underwear in the bathroom? Please don't brush your teeth in the shower. I don't want to know when or hear when you clip your toe nails. Don't make the bed that way. Remember to use SOAP when washing dishes, otherwise I have to go in and do them all over again! Turn off the light when you leave the room. Please flush sometimes? These are things I guarantee you will be saying.
3) Things get a lot lonelier. When you move out and on your own, even if it is with your partner, your schedules change and the adjustment can be really rough. Ethan's going to school and I'm not so I'm home long before he is...or even all day and when he gets home, sometimes all he wants to do is play some video games and chill and all I want to do is talk and cuddle and get out of the house. Or pout. Transition is always hard at first, especially when two of you are transitioning at the same time.
4) The money stuff gets more complicated. So- we live together, we're partners, but one of us has more money than the other? Well- your parents are paying for you but I'm paying for myself, and they're helping me with x,y, and z. Do I owe them a certain amount of money because I'm not their child? Do you owe them a certain amount of money because you ARE their child? Should we both work? Who writes the rent check? Who pays for cable? Who pays for furniture- do you pay for it because you're really the only one who cares what kind of curtains and mixer you have? Does that mean he pays for the TV? Well, who gets what if we break up? Oh my god- how am I going to afford moving out if we break up? Maybe I shouldn't pay for anything we share. Is he keeping tabs? Should I?
5) Dating gets harder. My boyfriend and I love each other and we enjoy each other's company but now that we spend so much concentrated time with one another and money is tight, it's harder to "date" and feel like a young couple. We often refer to our lifestyle as "living like 30 year olds" and we love it! But sometimes, I wish we were younger, emotionally. It's not all bad though! We've learned to really love cooking together and getting dressed up just to go to the park or go grab dessert can be really nice and, more than ever, I feel like I have a partner. He's my cozy, awesome, supportive mister.
6) You pawn tasks off on each other a lot more often and being "fair" can get kind of thrown out the window. No body loves taking the garbage out, or going down to the basement to do laundry- especially when you have to lug your shit up and down 4 flights of stairs. I go back and forth between being the dreaded chore-chart girlfriend, and the "I don't want to do that- you do that and I'll do the easier thing," girlfriend. This would be amusing, except your partner isn't your annoying ass roomie you can get away with pushing around....they're your partner you elected to live with and share a bed with, and hopefully, you appreciate. I find it really hard to step back, be less bossy, and get off my own but and share the work 50/50. I also find it hard not to get angry when I'm doing some lame chore and he's getting to lounge and hang out on his computer or do homework. Even if he did just get off from school and he helped out a ton earlier. It's definitely a tough balance.
Friday, November 18, 2011
Sleep Forever Little Baby: A Self Portrait
I haven't painted or created any sort of art in a really long time. Painting can be a really intimidating sort of thing, and if you haven't done it in a while, it just gets harder and harder to work yourself up to starting the process. I always get so caught up in worrying about the subject matter and how I'm going to actually convey what I'm feeling when I'm painting and whether or not the finished product would be something I'd want to put on my wall (which it never is) but I find that if I blast my music loud enough, make a big mess, and just start going it works out best.
This painting isn't about abortion, though I know it kind of looks that way. Before I was born, my mom miscarried two children and was left totally scarred by it. After she had me, she'd always tell me how she wished I was the child she miscarried- like she wanted to trade me for something better or wished I had died in her womb too. I know ultimately, it's not a commentary on me, but rather on her and how unhappy she is with her life and how much she felt the need to hurt me and others in general just to feel a little bit okay about herself but, being so young and hearing about how my mom didn't want me- didn't love me. Wished I had died. It gets to me anyway. When I'm feeling at my worst this is all I think about. Sometimes I really just wish I was one of those almost born babies who just didn't quite make the cut. There's something about the bond a mother and child should have that really dictates how you feel about your place in the world. For a mother to not want her child, even after getting to bond with and really watch that child grow is just devastating. It tends to make me feel like I really screwed up somewhere along the road.
In a way, this piece is about my relationship with my mom.
This piece was made with paprika, turmeric, beets, tea, coffee, beets, colored pencil, sharpie, and plastic packaging.
Monday, November 14, 2011
Chic for Cheap: On a Grocery Budget but Love to Cook and Stay Healthy? Here are Some Tips!
I'm a food snob. There's no way around it. I like making and eating tasty, fancy food. No ramen for this girl. Even though I'm a food snob and I like to eat out, I'm on a budget and I was finding it really hard to buy groceries for under $100 a week. Actually, we were spending between $200-$230 a week on groceries alone! Well, I have embraced "frugal." It's actually kind of fun to learn how to budget! First, I tried switching to only off brand products- it helped, but not a whole lot. I tried buying less meat and only in season fruits and veggies- again, helpful, but not very. Then I realized, accidentally, that Trader Joe's is surprisingly a lot cheaper than your average Lucky's or (if you live on the East Coast) Shaws. Trader Joe's is unfortunately pretty limited, but if you switch to buying all of your fruits and veggies, as well as dairy and bread solely at TJ's and stick to just buying your meats at your local grocery store, you save a ton of money! We've got it down to $75 week now, which we're pretty stoked about. Try it out. Besides, Trader Joe's is way more fun to shop at- plus you can always pick up some cheap seasonal flowers on your way out.
Cheap for Chic: The Eczema Potion
Chic for Cheap: Updating Dated Pieces (Photos taken from Design Sponge)
Hey readers! Now, a lot of you know how much I LOVE all things interior design. It's one of my passions and I could spend all day shopping in various furniture stores, rearranging pieces, and creating centerpieces for my humble dining room table. These photos and pieces are not mine ( I copied them from http://www.designsponge.com because it is a FABULOUS site) but I'd like to take what I know about being on a budget and having a love for beautiful homes and share with you.
I actually have a few funky musty antique shops on my street, geared towards poor college students and at first, I was totally discouraged when I went to take a look-see for the first time. There are a lot of cheep, cheesy pieces-totally dated (and not in a good way) and kind of thrown around haphazardly. There's something to be said for presentation when you're selling low end products. It makes all the difference! Dusty, dated, and faded products are a tough sell. Luckily, if you train your eye, you can find some great foundation pieces for your house if you're willing to put in a little time and effort.
So: I'm going to focus on painting and stenciling pieces. Stenciling can take a lot of time and patience (and painters tape) but if you take your time, you'll be totally impressed with the transformation.
I love this piece because of how much I HATED the armoire/dresser monstrosity as is. It looks kind of overbearing and overwhelming and while I'm sure it has its place, I wouldn't put it in my home. It definitely looks great for storage though. I really love what this person decided to do with it. Geometric, simple patterns really modernize things and grey-blue colors are totally calming and sophisticated. The pop of yellow on the nobs give it that extra umph and I kind of hate/love them but the pillow to the left really helps tie the punch of color in and make it believable. Overall, definitely a great focal point for any room.
I'm totally into this desk transformation because it's so doable. I see this kind of desk all the time for as little as $40 and they kind of just sit there. That's great news for you if you want a new project and a fun little desk! All you have to do is slap on a fresh coat of paint, get some various sized letter stencils, spray paint them on, paint the handles a more modern color, and boom! You have a rad desk.
I dig this. I have to say, I don't know that I have a steady enough hand to paint this on a piece of furniture but the basic concept is great. Pick a strong solid color, paint the whole piece, then paint a strong and simple industrial image in the center. Pretty fucking awesome. I want this for my entryway!
I actually have a few funky musty antique shops on my street, geared towards poor college students and at first, I was totally discouraged when I went to take a look-see for the first time. There are a lot of cheep, cheesy pieces-totally dated (and not in a good way) and kind of thrown around haphazardly. There's something to be said for presentation when you're selling low end products. It makes all the difference! Dusty, dated, and faded products are a tough sell. Luckily, if you train your eye, you can find some great foundation pieces for your house if you're willing to put in a little time and effort.
So: I'm going to focus on painting and stenciling pieces. Stenciling can take a lot of time and patience (and painters tape) but if you take your time, you'll be totally impressed with the transformation.
I love this piece because of how much I HATED the armoire/dresser monstrosity as is. It looks kind of overbearing and overwhelming and while I'm sure it has its place, I wouldn't put it in my home. It definitely looks great for storage though. I really love what this person decided to do with it. Geometric, simple patterns really modernize things and grey-blue colors are totally calming and sophisticated. The pop of yellow on the nobs give it that extra umph and I kind of hate/love them but the pillow to the left really helps tie the punch of color in and make it believable. Overall, definitely a great focal point for any room.
I'm totally into this desk transformation because it's so doable. I see this kind of desk all the time for as little as $40 and they kind of just sit there. That's great news for you if you want a new project and a fun little desk! All you have to do is slap on a fresh coat of paint, get some various sized letter stencils, spray paint them on, paint the handles a more modern color, and boom! You have a rad desk.
I dig this. I have to say, I don't know that I have a steady enough hand to paint this on a piece of furniture but the basic concept is great. Pick a strong solid color, paint the whole piece, then paint a strong and simple industrial image in the center. Pretty fucking awesome. I want this for my entryway!
Chic for Cheap: Honey Cinnamon Hair Dye
Hey guys! So I went through some hair drama over the past year or two and I went a little hair dye, hair bleach, hair cutting madness. Now I'm paying the price! I used to have really thick, long, shiny hair and it grew about an inch per month. After some accidental bleaching, my hair is still relatively thick, but it lost a lot of its shine and was refusing to grow. I still have a lot of breakage and my hair isn't nearly as soft or shiny as it used to be but I'm treating it right and it's on the slow mend. Because I had bleached my hair about a year ago and then dyed it with the color closest to my natural hair color (dark brown with red hilights) my hair is really unevenly colored. For a while, I switched from permanent dye to semi-permanent dye (again, a color that was as close to my natural color as possible) and I felt good about at least treating my hair a bit more gently but I realized, even though semi permanent dye is a lot less stressful on your hair than permanent dye, it still stunts the growth of your hair and I want long lustrous hair! So I've been looking for better, healthier solutions (that are better for my wallet too!)
I recently discovered using spices and juices as natural hair dye. Having already brown hair, I went with a mixture that would give me slightly darker hair with some red undertones. I also wanted to make a mixture that, if possible, also stimulated hair growth and strengthened my hair. I looked up what various spices and came up with this:
Ingredients:
-Cinnamon
-Paprika
-Brewed Coffee (2x's as strong as you would regularly brew)
-Olive Oil
-Conditioner
-Honey
You really want to play with the amount of each ingredient you use based on the look you want to achieve. I wanted the treatment to double as a hair oiling/deep conditioning so I used a decent amount of olive oil and conditioner (you can also use lotion in place of conditioner if you don't want to waste your fancy conditioner). Applying the mixture can be tricky because the honey makes it really hard to comb through. I would recommend sectioning your hair and applying the mixture section by section then tying those sections up. You have to get all of your hair pretty saturated and leave it in overnight so make sure you don't have a romantic evening planned! I recommend putting a shower cap over your hair and putting a towel over your pillow, as these spices really stain clothing and fabric. Wash your hair out with cold water, initially.
I recently discovered using spices and juices as natural hair dye. Having already brown hair, I went with a mixture that would give me slightly darker hair with some red undertones. I also wanted to make a mixture that, if possible, also stimulated hair growth and strengthened my hair. I looked up what various spices and came up with this:
Ingredients:
-Cinnamon
-Paprika
-Brewed Coffee (2x's as strong as you would regularly brew)
-Olive Oil
-Conditioner
-Honey
You really want to play with the amount of each ingredient you use based on the look you want to achieve. I wanted the treatment to double as a hair oiling/deep conditioning so I used a decent amount of olive oil and conditioner (you can also use lotion in place of conditioner if you don't want to waste your fancy conditioner). Applying the mixture can be tricky because the honey makes it really hard to comb through. I would recommend sectioning your hair and applying the mixture section by section then tying those sections up. You have to get all of your hair pretty saturated and leave it in overnight so make sure you don't have a romantic evening planned! I recommend putting a shower cap over your hair and putting a towel over your pillow, as these spices really stain clothing and fabric. Wash your hair out with cold water, initially.
Tuesday, November 8, 2011
Home
Never did I imagine being "on my own" would feel this way. Here I am, in a new beautiful and busy city with my handsome and faithful boyfriend in a decent apartment without too many true "financial burdens." I don't have homework, I don't have a stressful job, and I don't have any restrictions.
For years, probably ever since I was five, I imagined this time in my life differently. I think I pictured a beautiful spacious home complete with an affectionate boyfriend and nothing but the world in front of me. I had so much time to plan things, or really, just hope for things, that this vision I had became so beyond attainable that I'm realizing life is a let down. Or, it feels like a let down. I feel like a let down. I pictured myself to be someone totally different from who I am today. I envisioned this strong woman with a list of accomplishments- tangible accomplishments. I pictured this person who was already into her second year of college at some prestigious school somewhere making beautiful art or being a really great dancer or maybe living across the world doing something else equally fabulous. I pictured myself being and feeling free. I find myself sitting down, trying to write a list- a tangible list- of all my accomplishments and every time, I walk away frustrated because I cannot think of one thing I have accomplished in my life. To have fought so hard, and run so far and not be able to see or feel any of the reward is frustrating and I blame myself. In order to accomplish something, I now recognize, you need to have a certain amount of confidence and belief in yourself. In order to recognize your own accomplishments, you need to be able to see past the things you didn't or have not yet accomplished.
I'm have this obsession with the idea of "home." What is a home? What separates the word "house" from "home?" I don't think I've got it down yet. I don't know where I get it from, but I think ever since I was pretty young, I've loved all things interior-decorating. Whenever I would be upset or anxious, I would secretly move all the furniture in my room and hang and re-hang paintings and fabrics and create this little haven for myself. There were actually days, just after I re-did my room that I would fake being sick, just to enjoy my "new room." Well designed and loved spaces make me so beyond calm, it's ridiculous. My dad and I used to go to Santana Row together, all the time, just to visit Crate and Barrel and Pottery Barn- to me, those were the best times. My dad's this geeky Indian guy who doesn't really have much of a keen eye for anything, but when we would walk into a posh little furniture store and I would get all excited about whatever it was, he would get excited with me because he knew how much I loved all of it.
It makes me pretty embarrassed to say- the highlight of my week, ever since I moved, is visiting Crate and Barrel. I think I go to C&B three or four times a week. I don't know that anybody else gets this way, but when I walk into Crate and Barrel, I get this kind of giddy feeling- like- "this could be me." A place where bedrooms are romantic, tables are set for family and friends, living rooms are cozy, and you are clearly financially comfortable. This is a place where people are happy and loved. I feel like a real creeper, walking around C&B all day- and a lot of the time, I come home and cry for a while, feeling sort of crushed by a combination of self hatred and stupid longing for something that doesn't exist. Something about being there and places like it just makes me so....disappointed. I guess I'm just disappointed with how life turned out? More accurately, I'm just so upset at all the things I know I can't get back, or I won't be getting. I think what home means to me is this place where family bonds and plays games by some perfect fire- where all these beautiful meals are had and memories are made and home is a place where you know you are loved. I don't really know where I got my interpretation of what a home should be, because reflecting on my own life, I've never truly felt at home- like I belong and I am loved.
Living here in my 1 bedroom apartment, with my boyfriend and my cat, I feel differently than I thought I would feel. I thought the process of searching for "THE first apartment" and picking out all the furniture and the dish ware and the fabric and the tiny details would make me feel at home- like this is MY space and I can feel at peace and at home, but it really hasn't. I keep feeling like I picked the wrong apartment or I picked the wrong furniture or I picked the wrong city or I picked the wrong person to live with and I have to remind myself that it really isn't about any of those things. I think "home" is probably one of those "from within" things and right now, I am not a home for myself- if that translates like I want it to. Maybe that takes a while to create.
For years, probably ever since I was five, I imagined this time in my life differently. I think I pictured a beautiful spacious home complete with an affectionate boyfriend and nothing but the world in front of me. I had so much time to plan things, or really, just hope for things, that this vision I had became so beyond attainable that I'm realizing life is a let down. Or, it feels like a let down. I feel like a let down. I pictured myself to be someone totally different from who I am today. I envisioned this strong woman with a list of accomplishments- tangible accomplishments. I pictured this person who was already into her second year of college at some prestigious school somewhere making beautiful art or being a really great dancer or maybe living across the world doing something else equally fabulous. I pictured myself being and feeling free. I find myself sitting down, trying to write a list- a tangible list- of all my accomplishments and every time, I walk away frustrated because I cannot think of one thing I have accomplished in my life. To have fought so hard, and run so far and not be able to see or feel any of the reward is frustrating and I blame myself. In order to accomplish something, I now recognize, you need to have a certain amount of confidence and belief in yourself. In order to recognize your own accomplishments, you need to be able to see past the things you didn't or have not yet accomplished.
I'm have this obsession with the idea of "home." What is a home? What separates the word "house" from "home?" I don't think I've got it down yet. I don't know where I get it from, but I think ever since I was pretty young, I've loved all things interior-decorating. Whenever I would be upset or anxious, I would secretly move all the furniture in my room and hang and re-hang paintings and fabrics and create this little haven for myself. There were actually days, just after I re-did my room that I would fake being sick, just to enjoy my "new room." Well designed and loved spaces make me so beyond calm, it's ridiculous. My dad and I used to go to Santana Row together, all the time, just to visit Crate and Barrel and Pottery Barn- to me, those were the best times. My dad's this geeky Indian guy who doesn't really have much of a keen eye for anything, but when we would walk into a posh little furniture store and I would get all excited about whatever it was, he would get excited with me because he knew how much I loved all of it.
It makes me pretty embarrassed to say- the highlight of my week, ever since I moved, is visiting Crate and Barrel. I think I go to C&B three or four times a week. I don't know that anybody else gets this way, but when I walk into Crate and Barrel, I get this kind of giddy feeling- like- "this could be me." A place where bedrooms are romantic, tables are set for family and friends, living rooms are cozy, and you are clearly financially comfortable. This is a place where people are happy and loved. I feel like a real creeper, walking around C&B all day- and a lot of the time, I come home and cry for a while, feeling sort of crushed by a combination of self hatred and stupid longing for something that doesn't exist. Something about being there and places like it just makes me so....disappointed. I guess I'm just disappointed with how life turned out? More accurately, I'm just so upset at all the things I know I can't get back, or I won't be getting. I think what home means to me is this place where family bonds and plays games by some perfect fire- where all these beautiful meals are had and memories are made and home is a place where you know you are loved. I don't really know where I got my interpretation of what a home should be, because reflecting on my own life, I've never truly felt at home- like I belong and I am loved.
Living here in my 1 bedroom apartment, with my boyfriend and my cat, I feel differently than I thought I would feel. I thought the process of searching for "THE first apartment" and picking out all the furniture and the dish ware and the fabric and the tiny details would make me feel at home- like this is MY space and I can feel at peace and at home, but it really hasn't. I keep feeling like I picked the wrong apartment or I picked the wrong furniture or I picked the wrong city or I picked the wrong person to live with and I have to remind myself that it really isn't about any of those things. I think "home" is probably one of those "from within" things and right now, I am not a home for myself- if that translates like I want it to. Maybe that takes a while to create.
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